"Yard-sale Heaven"

It was Sunday, April 18, 2010, and I was about to go on a maiden voyage. The destination? Yard-sale heaven. Once you go there, there is no coming back.

Format: Real-time journal.

8:47am: I awake naturally. I see it’s light out. I reach for my phone. "8:47am." Shit. I was supposed to be at Amanda J’s and Richie’s at 9:00am to help with their yard-sale. Shit. Not happening. Gonna be late.

9:28am: I pull past Amanda J’s and Richie’s. No sign of a yard-sale. I hope they didn’t cancel it.

9:33am: I walk up the stairs and see Richie coming down the stairs holding two chairs. Richie, asks, “What are you doing up so early? I reply, “Helping with the yard-sale. I’m a little late ‘cause I over slept.” Richie, “So did we.”

9:34am: I see Amanda J. “Groundswell,” she greets me with a big smile and a hug.

9:35am: I’m carrying down two chairs to the front lawn. (Task-master heaven?)

9:37am: Amanda J’s telling the early bird arrivals that we’re bringing stuff out. I’m starting to feel like we may be prey.

9:47am: Breaking a sweat. I over hear Amanda J responding, “Yes, we have cologne.” She turns to me, “Groundswell, tell Richie to bring the box down with the cologne.” These guys are making requests?

9:53am: Place a large box down on the ground that Amanda J asked me to get. Before either Richie or Amanda are able to look at it, a guy is going through the box in his desperate search for cologne. He rifles though and throws things he’s not interested on the ground. I don’t have time to stop and think about this. I’m off to get more stuff.

9:55am: Getting tired from hustling back and forth. Richie is now manning the sales. Amanda J and I are lugging stuff to the front yard. We have our first official ringer at the yard sale. He’s looking for mens watches, cell phones, and other electronic items. There’s no way he’s working alone, or here for his own personal use.

10:00am: Amanda J suggests I take a break a break for a minute. I’m not arguing. As I watch the melee, it’s like sharks feeding. They’re all hovering around, searching through boxes, asking questions. It seems chaotic. I feel for Richie and Amanda J as they try and respond. The group consists mostly of low income Spanish-speaking and what I would guess would be Indian immigrants.

10:05am: Amanda J and I are back in the house drinking water. It’s a beautiful day outside. Hustling around in jeans and a hoodie have made me sweaty and tired. It feels good. I’ve always liked doing manual labor. (Shut the fuck up Patrick.)

10:15am: The number of people interested in used cell phones is shocking. They’re the hot item.

10:32am: It becomes evident that anything over $20 will not be purchased readily. People pick up the nice items, hear how much they are, and put them down quickly. Richie, working for a video game company has some nice electronics and video game supplies – even at half off the retail price, people are scared. Surprising.

10:44am: The most touching moment of the day occurs when a women comes back to purchase a bottle of Rogaine for a few dollars. She was embarrassed to buy it so we made sure to hide our laughing. (I’m kidding. We didn’t laugh. Although Amanda J and I later discussed this very event back in her apartment and decide it was the “Most Touching Moment of Yard-sale 2010.” Bar none.)

10:53am: I’m hungry.

11:02am: Like most things, the rushes come in waves. They are making good progress selling their shit. Money is flowing in.

11:11am: Amanda J has just discovered that Richie has given away a picture of hers for free. It was $5. She warns that she might flip-the-fuck-out on Richie. We are a little scared. We laugh it off. She then convinces herself that Richie’s joking. He’s not. I watched him do it.

11:14am: Richie asks, “Amanda, how much for those?” Amanda whispers, “I don’t know. I stole those.”

11:20am: "Richie, I can't believe you gave away my picture. That was my big ticket item." We're not quite out of the woods yet.

11:23am: Amanda goes into the house.

11:25am: Richie’s friend from New Bedford breaks out a blunt.

11:33am: I’m really hungry.

11:45am: Debating how old the girl with the badukka-ass is. Anywhere from 15-20 is thrown out. She comes back with her mom. Twelve is the new answer. Amanda J tells us the pesticides in food are making them grow up faster. For real, for real. (There is no way she was under 16.)

11:50am: I need some water. As I am about to walk onto the sidewalk, I look left. No one coming. I’m good. I continue to walk full speed. Whack! My head slams into a lamp that arches over at the perfect head hitting height. I walk towards the apartment building laughing. Ridiculous.

12:01pm: Lunch is being discussed. Hell yeah. The Vegan Joint is getting hit up. I’m down. Amanda J says she’s going to order me a lentil burger and take care of the rest. I tell her that I have nothing but faith. It’s true.

12:05pm: For the millionth time, one of the lamps they are trying to sell is blown over by the wind. We just leave it down. It's now a floor lamp.

12:12pm: It’s discovered that someone stole Amanda J’s pipe that she was going to sell. Not cool.

12:14pm: Amanda J sells a neckless for $2. She then reveals that it cost $1 at the dollar store. She’s delighted.

12:20pm: After another purchase, Amanda reveals that it was gift from somebody that was sold. Turns out a lot of what they are selling are old gifts.

12:23pm: A flock of green parrots are wreaking havoc on the street. Flying around and being all raucous. It’s pretty entertaining. It must be mating season or something because they are up to no good.

12:27pm: A sweet car pulls up in front of the yard-sale. Richie comments on the rims. We all agree - too nice for the yard sale.

12:28pm: It was the delivery car. Lunch has arrived. It’s slamming. The Vegan Joint is the shit. Amanda ordered just as I would have.

1:01pm: A really young kid walks by with some friends. "How much for the vaporizer?" he asks. I'm impressed. Bird-like eyes. He says he'll be back. (He never came back.)

1:04pm: Richie has broken out the Indian flute. He has no idea how to play it. Doesn’t stop us from having fun.

1:15pm: We’re laughing hysterically at the idea of his flute playing driving a neighbor crazy to the point of the neighbor coming down asking how much the flute is, giving him a $20-bill, saying, “keep the change,” and then breaking it in front of us. We think this could be a good way to make money.

1:17pm: A Lexus pulls up to the yard-sale. Just happened to be driving by and makes an impromptu stop.

1:18pm: Two guys get out. They look around.

1:20pm: As the older of the two is looking around, he asks if we’re selling lemonade. We laugh because we were talking about that not too long ago. He then tells us at his last yard sale he sold water, and must have made $80 off of selling bottled water. "$3.99 for a twenty-four pack," he says. We’re impressed. He then gets back into his car. Shortly, his friend follows.

1:24pm: The window rolls down, and the older man, prompted by someone in the back seat who was too good to get out asks, while laughing “How much for those nasty tables.” Amanda says “Five dollars.” He laughs and rolls up the window and drives off.

1:25pm: Let the shit talking commence. Motherfucker.

1:26pm: Who the fuck sells water at a yard-sale? Why don’t you take your Lexus and get the fuck out of here? We were not pleased.

1:47pm: The packing up has commenced. The yard-sale is over at 2pm.

2:00pm: I’ve got a few goodies for the road. Some funny memories and no sunburn (I was chasing the shade like a vampire). It was an all around great way to start a Sunday. Now home to chill.