"Marketing Madness. Brilliant!"

As I look at my life, and think about how I want to make money, most of the ways include minimal amounts of work, combined with a huge stack of cash: music, acting, writing, etc. But, I’ve often thought that I could do anything, and I’ve noticed a ton of jobs for marketing. So here goes Groundswell’s foray into marketing. I’ve just now come up some new slogans for some well known products.

PeptoBismol
“Everyone’s pink on the inside”

Depends
“When you have to go and just don’t want to move, that’s okay now.”

Toyota
“Accelerate your life.”

Viagra
“More dependable than Mother Nature. That bitch,” or "When nature lets you down, we'll pick you up."

Cialis
“Mother Nature called. She’s jealous of your wood.”

Trojan Condoms
“Only slightly less effect than the Trojan horse.”

Coca-Cola
“We took out the coke, but left the cola.”

Pepsi
“We’re wishing we could put in coke.”

Midol
“You can still be a bitch, but why be in pain?”

Any oil company
“Hey, somebody has to get rich,” or “Don’t worry. We can recycle the environment.”

General Motors
“A second chance to make a shitty impression.”

McDonalds
“99 Billion left feeling like shit.”

In-N-Out
If God made a hamburger, it would taste like this.”

Apple
“Better than you”

Facebook
"When boredom strikes"

Twitter
"Nothing too intelligent, please. We don't have enough room."

The United States Government
“I betcha Britain’s happy now.”

Lindsay Lohan
“Got milk?”

The music band “Jet”
“AC/DC (part deux)”

The Republican Party
“They’re too dumb to know we’re fucking ‘em over!”

The Democratic Party
“We’re not the Republican Party. (That’s it. That’s all we got.)”

Wal-mart
“It’s okay if you're cousins,” or “If you can’t keep it in your pants, keep it in the family. And then shop here.”

Tiger Woods
“You can only try to keep your score low for so long.”

Groundswell
“More with less.”

Not bad for twenty minutes. To all you marketing firms, consider this my application for a 40-hour a week job where I”ll probably only work for 10 to 15 hours. I also require a large desk where I can nap underneath it.

Rock on,
Groundswell