It's in the cards. Life is an interesting thing to say the least. Some wonder if it's totally chaotic, or is there a master plan, or maybe a combination of both. Forrest Gump thinks it's both.
Since the time I was 7 or maybe 10, I've always thought I would be successful. I had no idea what I would do. My dad always said I could be anything - a doctor, a lawyer, an indian chief (pre-pc era). He was selling it, and I bought it.
So, here I am 23-20 years later, on my way to Los Angeles, but not really sure what I'm doing. Music is a struggle to say the least. A 9-5 job would be nice, but leave me largely unfulfilled. To say I am as sure about my life as I once was, would be a lie. I still fundamentally believe I will be successful, and I'm almost sure it will involve the entertainment of people in some manner, but the specifics are still a little murky. And this murkiness has caused a lot of anxiety - the anxiety has actually manifested itself with physical ailments and stomach aches, and just all around not fun. When I pictured this road trip some 7 years ago I never pictured this.
While walking by the Saint Charles Cathedral and Square in New Orleans, Halearious and I came across the usual suspects of street painters, soothe sayers, and tarot card readers. Halearious was all for the tarot card reading (and since the psychic knew we weren't interested in her she wasn't even there). I was hesitant. I never really wanted to know what was in the cards, because I had a feeling I always knew. It was calling me for a long time. Halearious was insistent. She even said she'd pay. Well, technically, she didn't have any cash on her, but she swore she'd pay me back. Hell. Fine. It's a road trip, who am I to argue?
We sat down for the tarot card reading. A very robust woman sitting there all by her lonesome with a deck of cards in front of her and 20 or so small pebbles. We agree to a price and Halearious is off. Halearious gives the cards a shuffle, and cuts them in half. The tarot card lady puts one half on top of the other and pulls the top card off, flips it over, tell us this card represents the past, and looks at Halearious. She says, "You've had you're heart broken haven't you?" Seems pretty generic, unless you know Halearious was recently dicked over by a douche bag named Mike. If there was one thing I would say characterized Halearious in the past 2 years, I would have pointed to this event. It's an impressive start. The lady places a rock on the card to hold it down from blowing in the wind. She pulls the second card off the top - no discarding, no reshuffling, no anything - she starts to describe the present, the future and everything in between. As she worked through the deck, I kept my mouth shut, for the most part, and listened and watched. The reading was interesting and seemed accurate. Halearious was described as an independent woman who would be fine in life - financially successful, would have kids if she wanted (very fertile), would fall in love within the year, was very sexual and could even use this sensuality more if she desired. Her financial independence would be garnered through a creative process and this process would be easier for her than for most people. The "dues" she would have to pay would be less strenuous. Halearious would never be walked over by a man - so I needed not worry and nor should you. Overall, Halearious would be fine. There were a lot of blue and green cards representing her life, and these were good colors. Really nothing dark or ominous in Halearious's cards, and this was good.
I was all set to leave as the reading came to an end. That was until Halearious said she'd pay for mine too - for my birthday. Woohoo. I was being talked into paying for my own birthday present. I tried my best to drag my feet by not saying I had enough money, but when I was imploed to pull out my money, and I pulled out a total of $28, the tarot card agreed to read both of ours for $20. I couldn't say no.
I grab the cards and shuffled them once, split the deck, and watched as the reader put one half on top of the other. Here we go. I waited. She pulls my first card. It represents ambition." Okay, I thought, we might be on to something. If I am anything, I am ambitious. For a 6' irish kid from a middle class family in Mansfield, MA I would say if there was one thing that characterized me it is ambition. I've already gone further than I probably should. I mean we're talking about a kid that would be separated into the "slow classes" in first grade, and through hard work and diligence I graduated from Brown University with a 3.7GPA. If I want something, there is nobody that tells me I can't have it. I mean I couldn't even upstroke when I started playing the guitar when I was 17. My family laughed and called me the "brick layer." Thirteen years later I rip the guitar. I'm a published song-writer and have even had a song that I recorded in my bedroom played on national television. Ambition. I'll take it. She also said that I may be doubting my career path and thinking of other options (true), but that I should reconsider this and may want to stay with the original plan. She places a rock on the card.
The card representing my present was a head surrounded by many other heads. I thought this was going to mean I hear many voices and am nuts. I would have been fine with this too. But, it turns out that it represented my love life. "Have you had a lot of women in your life?" she asked. "Well I just spent two years in New York City. I was single. It was a solid year." I replied half jokingly. She went on to say that I was rethinking this as well. That I was debating whether or not to settle down and get into a serious relationship, or continue playing the field. This could not have been more accurate. I have been debating this very thing for the past few months. I love being single. Being able to pick up and go without a moment’s notice, and not having to worry about how this will affect someone else is very liberating. On the other hand, the idea of not being alone, to have someone to share my thoughts with, to laugh with, to travel with, to share meals with, sounds quite appealing as well. Since I graduated from college, I've maintained that my wife was waiting for me in California. And now, here I am on my way. Will I find her? When will I find her? Do I want to find her? Is it out of my control? All of these questions loom large in my brain. Two for two. She places a rock on the card.
Third we delve into my future. How exciting. Please tell me I won't be anxious forever. Please tell me something good. She pulls the card over and exclaimed, "I've never pulled this card before. It's a card with a greenish hue, and a lady on it. She looks very happy. She's almost dancing. The reader tells me that I will not have to worry about money. I believe her exact words were, "Well, you will be juuuuuussssttt fine, financially." I am going places, and I am going there fast. Financial security will be in my future, and may not be far away. Halearious takes a picture of the card. We're in the money. She places a rock on the card.
The next card she flips over she says her husband loves, and he calls it the "dude." It's orangish. It represents the outdoors. She tells me that I either love the outdoors or need to spend more time outdoors. She's not sure how correct this is since I live in Manhattan (or she thinks I do at least), but that is what it represents. I can't argue. What she didn't know is that I'm moving to Los Angeles to be outdoors more. To enjoy the sun, and the ocean. To get away from the unhealthy living I did in NYC for two years. The thought of getting in shape again utilizing the outdoors is very exciting. She places a rock on the card.
The fifth card she flips reveals that if I want kids I will have them, and I will make a great dad. I've heard this before. My friend Erica, whom I spent 6 months with in South Africa said the same thing when I explained why the minute hand on a clock is longer than the short hand (the need for accuracy). I thought it was funny. I guess maybe it will be true. I can't really argue. I like teaching and spreading knowledge. Isn't this the very basic nature of parenthood? She also tells me that if and when I get married I'll be sure to pick the right one, and that divorce is NOT in my future. I thought this was nice. I'm not sure if I want to get married, but it's nice to know that if I do it will last. She also reveals that when I die I won't be alone. I will be with one of my children. (So I guess I am having children.) We all agree that this is nice. I won't be dying today. I'm relaxed.
She asks me if I have any questions. I have none.
At this point, the most interesting thing happens.
Halearious tells her that we're actually on a road trip from Boston to Los Angeles because I'm moving there. Without missing a beat, the card reader tells us to go to the Grand Canyon. We HAVE to go, she implores. This is what the "dude" card was saying. This is the true meaning of the card. She gives us rocks to throw in when we get there.
I am blown away.
I majored in Geology. I've never scene the Grand Canyon. I've always pictured this trip ending in Los Angeles, but culminating in the Grand Canyon. Since the day I decided I wanted to move to Los Angeles to pursue music 8 years ago. I knew two things. I would drive. I would go see the canyon. It would be my geologic mecca. I grew up on the east coast. We've got history - a lot of it - but a great majority of that history is man-made, but it's in the western United States that the geologic record really begins to reveal itself. Hundreds of millions of years of earth's history slowly revealed by rocks cut through a river. It's like the Rosetta stone for geologists. A clear picture in the past. Time reaveled in inches and feet not hours and seconds. Time and life, much like a road trip, is a slow march to be enjoyed and marveled at. Take in the sites. Go with the flow. Pick a point, aim for it, but don't expect a straight line. Because, sometimes, as in non-eclidian geometry, the easiest / most efficient way from point A to point B is not actually a straight line.
I actually even tried to go see the Grand Canyon a year or so ago when I first visited some friends in Phoenix to do some soul searching. It turned out, however, that Mother Nature did not cooperate and actually dumped so much snow on Flagstaff, that it was impossible for me to traverse the roads to the Grand Canyon. I was hesitant to plan to go to the Grand Canyon this time due to the fact that once again it was winter and we might be dealt some more snow. It looks like that is no longer a worry.
The Grand Canyon you see is in the cards. We are going to make it happen. This is another thing my card reading reminded me. I remember thinking this when I was 23. Destiny is not guaranteed. Destiny, in fact, pulls on you, but you have to pull on it for it to come true. You can not just expect things to happen. You have to make them happen. With every bone in your body, if you want something, pull on it. Use all your stength - both mental and physical - and the universe will manifest it.
We are going to the Grand Canyon. We are going to throw some rocks in the canyon. I am going to reflect. We will move onto Los Angelse when it's time. Evertyhing is going to happen.
Sit back.
Relax.
Enjoy the ride.
Rock on,
Groundswell
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